No, these aren't Photoshopped. The pictures are that redic and the wrestlers are that juiced. Not a day goes by where I don't wish I grew up in the 80's.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
The Last Twins Month: Who's to Blame?
I’m not going to try to be too pessimistic here. I think the sky isn’t falling and the Twins are still in fairly good shape in the long haul. The White Sox have won 20 out of their last 25 games; the Tigers’ have been playing plenty good baseball too. But if you’re going to subscribe to the fact that “It’s a long season and the Twins couldn’t keep up their pace,” Remember it works both ways. The Tigers’ are relying heavily on two rookies, Austin Jackson and Brennan Bosch, in their lineup and the White Sox will have to continue having near perfect starting pitching. Both are no easy task.
But if we are going to place blame on someone who should it be?
Shall we do it on a macro level and question how it’s possible for so many Twins hitters to struggle in Target Field while Twins starters struggle as well?
I wouldn’t, they’re going to play just as many games on the road.
So we go with the micro level and pinpoint exactly whom I can say is at fault for the last month of terrible baseball.
Before we get started, let’s just clear out all the people who aren’t at fault. This would be:
“Dangerous” Delmon Young
Jim Thome
All the relievers, including Jesse Crain
Justin Morneau
Carl Pavano
Francisco Liriano
TC Bear
Bat Boy Adam Hanson
Denard Span
Jason Kubel
Orlando Hudson
That Hawk that perched on the foul pole
Ron Coomer
That squirrel that rain around the field when it was raining
LaVelle E. Neal III
Michael Cuddyer
So just for you, the reader, I’ve compiled a handy list of possible scapegoats for this horrible month of baseball.
Drew Butera
Minor league baseball’s worst hitter has become major league baseball’s worst hitter. Twins are 5-11 in games Butera starts. But let’s be realistic, if you’re biggest problem is your backup catcher, you’re probably steamrolling your way to the World Series.
Dan Gladden
Long story short: I have to sit at work and listen to Twins games on the radio and listening to this guy is terrible. He mispronounces names, falsely chats about baseball’s current events with John Gordon and butchers promos during games. Simply put the guy is just not a professional. But he’s just an announcer.
JJ Hardy
.268 on-base percentage and two separate trips to the DL don’t bode well for the Twins shortstop. But in all fairness he has certainly played well at SS and we still probably got the better of the deal that sent Carlos Gomez to Milwaukee.
Nick Punto/Brendan Harris
Harris has been sent to AAA after hitting .157 with 4 rbi’s in 43 games he also got scared shitless by that squirrel. Punto is batting .241 with a .319 on-base and has struck-out 42 times while walking 23 times. Very quietly he’s also 32 years old now. I’d like to place a lot of blame on these two, but the Twins have won division crowns with Punto playing regularly. They’ll never win anything more than a division with him in the lineup, but nonetheless…
Kevin Slowey
Now we’re getting somewhere. Slowey ran up (although luckily) 10 wins in the first-half of last season before going down with a wrist injury. A 5.31 era since June 1st isn’t pretty but maybe he’s still recovering a bit from the wrist injury and can either come back strong in the second-half and be at full strength next year. Or maybe being a poor man’s Brad Radke who throws 88 mile-an-hour fastball that’s right on the plate all the time is a recipe for disaster. He hasn’t been worse than…
Scott Baker
What analysis is needed? The guy’s just a P***y. Although the worst of the bunch has been…
Nick Blackburn
A 10.00 era since June 1st, Blackburn has resembled a pitching machine at the Go-Kart track. A trip to Rochester may be in order soon if he can’t find his location. It’s a good thing he’s signed through 2013. But can I really blame a guy for signing an extension? Collectively Baker, Blackburn and Slowey could be to blame. But what about pointing a finger at the guy who signed Blackburn to such an extension?
Bill Smith
The Twins general manager has nothing to show for trading ace Johan Santana, signed Blackie’s extension and failed to land Cliff Lee. On the other hand he smartly signed Hudson. Got Span to sign an extension and still could have a trade to show for this season near the deadline. He also isn’t on the field day in and day out making in game decisions so what about throwing blame to the on-field decision maker?
Ron Gardenhire
Here’s a veteran manager who insists on trotting the worst possible line up every getaway day (Thursdays and Sundays.) I totally wouldn’t have a problem with this if the team has won the first two games of the series. Case in point: I attended the final game of the first home stand against Cleveland. They’d already won the first two games and sat Joe Mauer while trotting out Alexi Casilla, Harris and Butera in the lineup. Not the end of the world because if you win two out of three the whole season you’ll have 108 wins at the end of September. But last week when you’ve split the first two games of a series at Toronto and decide to sit Span randomly and already have Morneau out because he’s woozy, that’s unacceptable. How is Baker suppose to feel when he has the pressure of needing to squeeze out a victory to win the series but then sees Jason Repko, Danny Valencia and Butera in the lineup? If you’re going to just randomly give Span the night off, why not do it the second game of that series? That way if you lose (which they did anyway) you still have a chance of taking two out of three AND cutting off a slump.
But still nobody gets more out of less talent than Gardenhire. I’m not sure how many more managers would win as many games as he does with guys like Punto, Matt Tolbert and Casilla playing. So what about the one player who should be a leader? One player who’s a perennial All-Star? A player who should have 20 home runs by now according to many fans standards?
Joe Mauer
Yeah I’m looking at you, Joe. You’re batting 30 points below your career average. You only have 35 RBI out of the third spot in the lineup. If you’re so great on defense how come the starting pitching has completely collapsed. When you were hurt for a week Wilson Ramos came up and hit the ball. Why don’t you quit hitting it right up the middle into double plays? Why are you going to the All-Star Game instead of just resting for three days? You do realize you’re making $12.5 million this season, right? You do know I payed for that stadium of yours with my taxpayer money, right? And how come I never here about your love life? I ran into Morneau and his wife at the mall once. Why so secretive? Are you hiding something? And what’s the deal with the sideburns? You’re 27 now. I never did like Cretin-Derham Hall. Maybe you should have gone to Florida St. to play football.
I’ll give you a break since you’re from here, but let’s just call this the curse of being on the cover of 2010 MLB “The Show.” PS that ad of yours for that video game is terrible. Personally I like my catcher’s to have charisma. You know who has charisma? Jorge Posada. At least he has nine homers.
All the above people can share some of the blame. No doubt about it. Most, however, have a proven track record of a least a little success. But there is a person I point the finger at. Someone who’s new to “Twins Territory.” Someone whose sole role with the team is to get us fans excited for our brand of ball. I blame this collapse solely on…
GB Leighton
Here’s a guy who’s claim to fame is having a Pizza Hut commercial (Good luck trying to top those “4888, 888. Pizza Hut delivery is really great. Oh Yeah!” ads of 15 plus years ago, GB.) He’s such a big fan that he was inspired to write a song for FSN to play during Twins telecasts and let’s be honest who doesn’t hate that “This is Twins Territory” song? I blame you GB. Not because you look like Chris Daughtry’s older, talentless brother, not because you’re biggest fan seems to be Anthony Lapanta, but because nobody gets fired up through your horrible song and then through karma the Twins are failing. And talk about a shill. This guy would appear at the opening of an envelope if someone would pay him or let him perform “Margaritaville.”
Go to Hell GB Leighton. And take Boogie Wonderland with you.
(What do YOU think? Feal free to leave a comment below!)
Saturday, July 3, 2010
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